I sometimes forget I’m living abroad. You’re probably thinking, How is that possible? And it’s a perfectly logical question. I understand little to nothing that anyone says and I stand out–with my white skin, green eyes, brown hair, beard, and frequent flamboyance–sort of like a red prom dress would in a funeral procession. Nevertheless, now that comparatively little about Korea or Korean culture is unfamiliar to me anymore, I do sometimes forget, if only for a few moments or so at a time, that I haven’t always been here. Maybe that seems odd to you, and that seeming oddness might make sense if you’re the sort who’s always felt an integral part of something. I haven’t, though. This is a tired old confession, which it seems that everyone makes (honestly or just in a moment of depression) at some point in their lives, but, in fact, I’ve never felt as if I truly fit in anywhere. A fairly large part of that is due to the fact that I’ve spent all but the past six months of my life in the closet, but that’s only one reason among a vast multitude, the host of which I don’t intend to share with you simply because I’d like to maintain your interest in what I have to say.
This is Part II of a two-part post. To read Part I, click here.
In many ways, my escape from ORU in spring of 2011 turned out to be a Pyrrhic victory. Over Fall Break in 2010, I had gone on a university-led educational trip to Washington, D.C., which included a guided tour of the U.S. Capitol by noted pseudo-historian David Barton, a tour of Fox News’ D.C. bureau facilitated by Kelly Wright, and, of course, a visit to the Family Research Council. Don’t get me wrong, it was interesting. I’ll never forget standing with Barton in the middle of Statuary Hall awkwardly singing “God Bless America,” or seeing Charles Krauthammer whisk by in his wheelchair at Fox en route to pontificate for Special Report, or meeting Juan Williams a few days before he got fired from NPR. It’s just that the irony of it being called an “educational” trip didn’t dawn on me until some time later.
Two years ago, I was in a phase not terribly different from where I am now. I was at home, it was a few days after Christmas, and I had just laid down for sleep when a jolt of excitement shot through my body, beginning at the top of my spine and ending at the soles of my feet. See, I was inching closer and closer, one day at a time, to the day when I would leave on jet plane to a faraway city to begin a new adventure. Okay, granted, it was a less-faraway city and a much shorter adventure, one that had a very different outcome (hopefully) than the one I prepare for now. Just bear with me.
Seeing as how this post is coming mere days before the beginning of a new year, I suppose it’s convenient to make it a “year in review” sort of thing, but, just to be clear, I don’t feel obligated to constrain life’s arcs to an arbitrary unit of time. This particular post picks up primarily in late 2010. Even with my hesitance to impose a narrative structure onto life’s chaotic happenstance, I can comfortably say that the current arc of “my story” began then and with what one might conservatively call a “series of unfortunate events.” (Incidentally, my sole New Year’s resolution is to reach a point of comfort saying “my story” outside quotations.) But first, a bit of back story to get us rolling. After all, the beginning of one arc in a story is quite often the end of another.
I swore to myself I would never do this, but I’ve decided to commit to a regular, bi-weekly post–at least for a trial period. I’ve been hesitant toward that approach to blogging simply because it seems those types of blogs tend to evolve–or devolve–in the long-term into self-absorbed gushes about the mundane trivialities of everyday life. Puke. The thing is, people generally don’t care how extraordinarily ordinary other people’s lives are and while they might give that kind of diaristic regurgitation a courtesy read at the beginning, inevitably they come to dread seeing links to it.
What I have noticed, though, is that I tend to have a few thoughts bouncing about my skull about various and sundry things that don’t seem worth the effort of individual posts. Ultimately, that means I talk myself out of writing anything, which creates another thing I loathe: a personal blog that isn’t maintained. Maybe (nah, probably) it’s just me, but I hate clicking on a link to someone’s site and finding that they only have five posts and the most recent one is from 2009. YOU CAN STOP ADVERTISING IT ALREADY. I promise future posts in this genre will be less self-referential and self-effacing; I just needed to introduce the whole concept, ya know? So, anyway, without further ado, the following are the ruminations I’d like to share with you…
I debated for a long time over whether or not I wanted to publish this. As my senior year at Oral Roberts University wound down over the past few months, I had conversations with several of my close friends about this very topic and basically all of those conversations ended with us sharing more or less the same concerns and sentiments. Any of you who know me understand that there are plenty of things that irritate me about the university, but the relationships I made, the skills I learned, and the life I lived in my time as a student are invaluable and the direction the institution takes in the future is of great concern to me.
As a disclaimer, people should bear in mind that I am twenty-two years old, a recent college graduate with a degree in Communication and Writing, and not an expert in organizational psychology or any other similar discipline on which the type of comments I’m about to make rely. Also bear in mind that I didn’t hear any of this from God; these are just some thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for some time that I thought were important to share. It’s my hope that up-and-coming student leaders on campus (since they’ll be the ones experiencing it near-term) and maybe even faculty and administration will find them useful–possibly even insightful. Continue reading