THE KOREA KRONICLES, PART IV: Children, And Other Anomalies

Self-LoveI have a complicated relationship with kids. I mean, in the aggregate, it’s a very good one, but there are definitely a few sticking points. It might help if you understood a little about what I was like when I was a kid, so I’ll tell you. According to my mother, I was an exceptionally clean child. As I understand it, two cakes were bought for my first birthday in case I stuck my hands into the first upon blowing out the candle–in fact, I think this is what my family was hoping I’d do for the sake of cake-covered-baby pictures. It was all in vain, however, as I refused to touch the cake; as it turned out, I didn’t want to get my hands dirty. My mother has told me that she never had to make me take a bath as I always wanted to on my own. I actually can’t remember a time when I haven’t thought going to bed without bathing was gross. I knew even then that I wasn’t a typical child in that regard, as most children seem to take the absence of parents as a cue that bathing can be temporarily suspended. Ew, gross. Come summer, entry into my classroom might become contingent upon being hosed down with Febreze. Continue reading