ELECTION 2012: Merry Christmas! Drinks all around!

Elizabeth Warren

Elizabeth Warren won her Senate seat in Massachusetts. (Photo: qwrrty)

Oh, what a glorious day! I feel like an eight-year-old kid on Christmas morning, tumbling down the stairs in a bright red onesie that was a gift from grandma last year (and that’s almost too small for me) to see all the gifts Santa left me under the tree. In this case, the morning was last night, the tree was the 2012 elections, Santa was the voters, and the gifts, well, I’ll get to those in a moment. On a side note, let me say the only real lump of coal I’ve found so far in my stocking is Michele Bachmann being narrowly reelected to her congressional seat. Screw you too, Santa. I was really hoping my ORU diploma would automatically increase in credibility with her defeat. Oh, well. Anyway, look at the bright side: at least she won’t be getting a show on Fox News!

One of the things every kid has to learn is that, for whatever reason, Santa is a stickIer about giving you everything you write down on your list. Even so, all things considered, things are pretty good (and they could have been a lot worse). So, I invite you to join me as I open my presents–even though they’re really everyone’s presents, not just mine. And we’ll open them together.

Starting with the big, big one too big to fit under the tree, Obama won a second term! Not only did he win a second term, but he leads Mitt Romney in the popular vote by over 2.5 million votes and, so far, has won all of the so-called “battleground states:” New Hampshire, Ohio, Virginia, Iowa, Wisconsin, Colorado, and Nevada. It should also be noted that while the major networks have labeled Florida “too close to call” at this point, Obama is currently ahead in the Florida vote by over 45,000 votes. By comparison, the margin in Florida during the infamous 2000 election was under 1000 votes. But, even without Florida, Obama has 303 electoral votes to Romney’s 203, which means his reelection to a second term is virtually assured. This means Obamacare is secure and progressives have a president they can work with in the next four years. That is a good, good thing.

Next, we come to the present that’s been sitting under the tree for a while and has been the source of much speculation as to what might be inside. I even rattled it a few times in an attempt to find out. Well, last night, it turned out to be Elizabeth Warren’s election to the U.S. Senate! She was elected to the Massachusetts Senate seat formerly occupied by Ted Kennedy and, briefly, by Cosmo’s nude model Scott Brown. Absolutely love this lady and I’ll be keeping a close eye on her for 2016.

Tammy Baldwin

Tammy Baldwin is now the first openly-gay member of the U.S. Senate. (Photo: Wikipedia)

We’ll breeze through the remainder fairly quickly: the rainbow-wrapped gift buried near the bottom was Tammy Baldwin’s election in Minnesota to the U.S. Senate, the first openly-gay member of that legislative body. The one in palm tree gift wrapping was Tea Partyer Allen West’s defeat in his Florida congressional race (though he’s apparently not yet conceding) and Alan Grayson’s win in an election to a different Florida House seat. And, of course, there’s the one in gift-wrapping showcasing righteously angry women that contains both Richard Mourdock’s and Todd Akin’s losses in their Senate races; but, hey, their supporters can take heart in women finding a way to shut their whole thing down as a sign God probably intended for it to happen. All in all, it was a great night for women: eight women were elected to the Senate (the most in American history) and one state (New Hampshire) has an entirely female congressional delegation and governor.

Also in rainbow wrapping, both Maine and Maryland approved ballot measures granting the right to marry to same-sex couples. According to the Reuters article, it looks as though Washington will be joining them. I have to admit, I’m really not a fan of the whole idea of putting minority rights to a majority vote, but this is a massive development. This is the first time such measures have passed in popular referenda. Furthermore, a proposed amendment to the Minnesota state constitution that would have banned same-sex marriage was rejected in the election. Yesterday was a great day for equality.


Marijuana is now legal in WA and CO. (Photo: gillicious)

And, lastly, in the nondescript package that’s been smelling suspiciously like reefer for the past several days, Washington and Colorado both legalized marijuana. Not medicinal marijuana, but marijuana in general. I anticipate a massive influx of transfers to the University of Colorado. Granted, Oregon rejected legalizing pot yesterday, but I ultimately blame the hipsters in Portland. Pot, as it turns out, is becoming far too mainstream.

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