Coven of Witches Targets Tim Tebow, Evangelist Strikes Back

Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow. (Photo: Craig O'Neal)

According to Charisma magazine, a coven of witches in Boston held a seance where they attempted to cast a spell on Tim Tebow, the quarterback for the Denver Broncos. Their apparent hope is that the spell will stop a string of “miracle wins” by Tebow and propel the New England Patriots to victory.

Okay.

But wait, there’s more!

Kimberly Daniels, founder of Spoken Word Ministries, veteran of Operation Desert Storm, and duly-elected member of the city council of Jacksonville, Florida, is meeting the witches head-on. She is “organizing intercessors to pray at 5 p.m. and midnight, something witches call the ‘witching hour’ and that Daniels calls ‘the Holy Ghost hour.'”

Charisma quotes her as saying, “This is a wake-up call for the church. […] In the football arena it’s Tebow time. But in the spirit realm it’s Jesus time. Tebow belongs to Jesus.”

Okay.

I’ll just go ahead and say what everyone else is thinking: “What … the … f***?”

Some things simply defy comment or explanation. There’s just so much lunacy on display here that I honestly don’t even know where to begin. I mean, I really don’t have anything to say about the witches. The fact that they would hold a seance involving altars, “mojo bags,” and homemade puppets of Tom Brady should speak for itself.

But no, what could have been a delightfully humorous story takes another bizarre turn when into the fray jumps a Christian evangelist vowing to unleash the Holy Ghost in this cosmic battle over the fate of the gridiron. And not only is this woman an evangelist, but a member of the Jacksonville City Council. I mean, the writers at Saturday Night Live won’t have to do anything other than copy from the Charisma story.

Look, whatever you think about “spiritual warfare,” just take a small step back. We are talking about football.

Football.

It really shouldn’t even need to be said, but I’ll say it anyway: of all the reasons to organize an intercessory prayer vigil (world hunger, global instability, poverty, disease, religious persecution, etc., etc.) a well-known evangelist puts one on to combat a spell cast on Tim Tebow by a couple of “witches” in Boston. Enough said.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Coven of Witches Targets Tim Tebow, Evangelist Strikes Back

  1. Pingback: DEPARTMENT OF NON-APOLOGIES: An Open Letter to the Satirically-Impaired | Roygeneable

  2. Pingback: DEPARTMENT OF NON-APOLOGIES: An Open Letter to the Satirically-Impaired | Roygeneable

I know you have opinions. Make them known.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s